MONEY RAISED DURING 2008 TO DATE! £ 1247.00 THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT
WELCOME
to
The Lady in Red - Macmillan Cancer Support Committee website.
Have you or a member of your family received treatment for cancer recently and would like to share your story with others. It is so important to let other sufferers know that they are not on their own. We welcome your comments and observations - please naviagte to our VISITORS page.
or
If you would like to have a photo of someone you have lost to cancer included on our website
please contact The Lady in Red - Macmillan Cancer Support Committee at info@theladyinred.net
This website is as much dedicated to the Macmillan Specialist nurses - they did make a difference - who showed such commitment and compassion in their profession – as it is to Marian’s strength and courage during her relentless battle against cancer. Less than twelve months ago life was so different - it just doesn't seem real that so much can happen in such a short space of time.
On August 24th 2005 Marian wrote: “Why me? I don’t know – have I been a really awful person – I don’t think so? Why not me? What makes me so special? There is no rhyme or reason – just because!”
Only those who suffer with any form of cancer and their families can understand the roller coaster of emotions experienced during the many treatments often necessary to combat this relentless disease. From the relief - after initial diagnosis - of discovering that your life expectancy “may be” 5 to 7 years to the utter despair of learning you are a “Terminal” patient and can only look forward to palliative care at best.
“The Lady in Red” was Marian’s concept, her way of giving instead of taking from life and in the latter part of 2006 when her diagnosis became terminal we formed this fundraising group – our pledge is to carry out her ideas and raise with your help the much needed monies to finance and support those who can and often are the only link between reality and a living nightmare.
Alan Cane – Co Founder and chairman of The Friends of the Lady in Red - macmillan cancer support Committee.
My Thoughts - July 2007.
Now some 6 months since Marian passed away and still I get that gnawing feeling in my stomach, I thought it would have eased by now, but no, it fact it seems more deep rooted than ever. I have taken a few days out on the Kennet and Avon canal aboard narrow boat Cypry - our charity flagship now carrying The Lady in Red logo - to try to make some sense and come to terms with my loss. The more questions I ask myself the more I feel isolated, perhaps that's what I am meant to feel perhaps its "normal" with no benchmark I am finding it difficult to cope with my emotions. My temper is continually tested by the most trivial of events, much of life would appear to be meaningless now although I know that I must focus on the future for the children and grandchildren it was one of Marian's fears that our family would drift apart when the inevitable happened - I can't and won't allow that to happen! I strive to believe that life will get better but I struggle with every thought of our time together. Such wonderful memories seem unable to compensate for the grief I am feeling now. Time is not a heeler it merely allows you to get used to being without someone you loved, each day seems to go by so quickly the nights have become long and lonely each sunrise presents itself with another hurdle to overcome. I find my mind races through the prequel to Marian's passing, did I do enough, did I say enough - did I say the right or the wrong thing as her time with us drifted away, perhaps I will never know it may remain one of my life's unanswered questions - I hope not!
I suppose we all seek at some stage in our lives to understand why things happen as they do, I believe our lives are mapped out for us - is that destiny - I don't know I just know I need to make something happen somehow somewhere to help others facing a similar situation. Do some of our loved ones carry the burden of life for the rest of us - the stronger guiding the weaker to make them better people. Still the tears roll down my face is that a sign of weakness or am I just feeling sorry for myself. I want and need to be strong but Marian is a difficult act to follow she had enough strength for both of us - I miss her desperately. How is it possible to fill that void left when someone has touched the lives of so many, so often Marian clearly never knew, believed or maybe never understood the impact she had on other people she met, only now can I see many of her decisions in life were right, I hope I have learned the lesson, she taught me well, albeit maybe unwittingly.
My thoughts and ramblings may appear to create a pedestal although that is not my intention I genuinely believe Marian was different she inherited her mother Eve's wisdom and fire yet possessed a truly calming presence whenever in your company. Although she had religious beliefs she was not, I would say, a devout Christian she did however believe in something after life, but what I cannot say, I wish I knew.
My Thoughts - December 2007.
Christmas is fast approaching and the rollercoaster has shifted into gear again the year has passed by so swiftly but now each day seems to be filled with thoughts of how to cope with Christmas festivities, even now the thought is unbearable but I know how much Marian loved the true spirit of the family Christmas, she made so much effort – even last year – to make it special, how did she do that, we will never know. It remains to be seen if we can carry on doing those things that made her so happy.
Possibly the best Santa ever!!
Christmas 2007
Well it's here, Christmas has never been exciting for me, certainly not this year however the day came and went with an unusual air of calm, Sarah cooked a superb dinner which was enjoyed by all the family - Marian would have been proud of her!! - my contribution caramalised beef cooked and served to perfection but not as good as the rest of the lunch.
Like many others I have always found this time of year sad and somewhat depressing unlike Easter which offers more cheer - perhaps I should cook lunch at easter! TV as usual was rubbish maybe the programme selectors suffer with my emotions. Despite everything we managed to get through the day reasonably well albeit with the odd blip now and again. We cracked open a bottle of Marian's favourite champage which had secreted its self in the bottom of the fridge since last christmas the time seemed appropriate the taste exquisite!! My mum now 91 and suffering from Alzheimer's enjoyed for the moment, her lunch although she had forgotten she had eated by the time she sat in the lounge afterwards and demanded to know when lunch would be served, difficult to believe that the person who brought you into the world cared for you and always stood your corner cannot sometimes remember who you are or where you live - so sad! I don't know how my brother David copes.
My Thoughts - JANUARY 2008.
The first anniversary of our loss was a celebration of marian's life the family enjoyed an evening meal at the bell - buckland dinham - (highly recommended) we raised a glass of her favourite tipple at 9.00pm and remembered.
My Thoughts - MARCH 2008.
I love my job although the driving can be tiresom, but I find it rewarding to meet so many different people. how lucky i am to enjoy banter with so many knowledgable people - i learn somthing new everyday like the man who worked on lancaster bombers for many years during the war - it just so happens that my dad was a wireless operator / navigator and very occaisionally a rear gunner on a "lancaster" during the war. he was shot down - bailed out - captured - and endured the death march - 600 miles - across germany to stalag 8b where he was incarcerated for over 2 years and finally liberated by the americans in 1945. Dad was my mentor i always wished i would grow up and be able to make him proud unfortunately he passed away when i was 18 - my first great loss in life. at that age you feel but just don't understand! How could anything be more painful "it can"!!
Have you ever stood in a room full of people and felt alone - driven to work not remembering the journey - walked a mile forgetting each step - i have!
To be continued:
My Thoughts - July 2007.
Now some 6 months since Marian passed away and still I get that gnawing feeling in my stomach, I thought it would have eased by now, but no, it fact it seems more deep rooted than ever. I have taken a few days out on the Kennet and Avon canal aboard narrow boat Cypry - our charity flagship now carrying The Lady in Red logo - to try to make some sense and come to terms with my loss. The more questions I ask myself the more I feel isolated, perhaps that's what I am meant to feel perhaps its "normal" with no benchmark I am finding it difficult to cope with my emotions. My temper is continually tested by the most trivial of events, much of life would appear to be meaningless now although I know that I must focus on the future for the children and grandchildren it was one of Marian's fears that our family would drift apart when the inevitable happened - I can't and won't allow that to happen! I strive to believe that life will get better but I struggle with every thought of our time together. Such wonderful memories seem unable to compensate for the grief I am feeling now. Time is not a heeler it merely allows you to get used to being without someone you loved, each day seems to go by so quickly the nights have become long and lonely each sunrise presents itself with another hurdle to overcome. I find my mind races through the prequel to Marian's passing, did I do enough, did I say enough - did I say the right or the wrong thing as her time with us drifted away, perhaps I will never know it may remain one of my life's unanswered questions - I hope not!
I suppose we all seek at some stage in our lives to understand why things happen as they do, I believe our lives are mapped out for us - is that destiny - I don't know I just know I need to make something happen somehow somewhere to help others facing a similar situation. Do some of our loved ones carry the burden of life for the rest of us - the stronger guiding the weaker to make them better people. Still the tears roll down my face is that a sign of weakness or am I just feeling sorry for myself. I want and need to be strong but Marian is a difficult act to follow she had enough strength for both of us - I miss her desperately. How is it possible to fill that void left when someone has touched the lives of so many, so often Marian clearly never knew, believed or maybe never understood the impact she had on other people she met, only now can I see many of her decisions in life were right, I hope I have learned the lesson, she taught me well, albeit maybe unwittingly.
My thoughts and ramblings may appear to create a pedestal although that is not my intention I genuinely believe Marian was different she inherited her mother Eve's wisdom and fire yet possessed a truly calming presence whenever in your company. Although she had religious beliefs she was not, I would say, a devout Christian she did however believe in something after life, but what I cannot say, I wish I knew.
My Thoughts - December 2007.
Christmas is fast approaching and the rollercoaster has shifted into gear again the year has passed by so swiftly but now each day seems to be filled with thoughts of how to cope with Christmas festivities, even now the thought is unbearable but I know how much Marian loved the true spirit of the family Christmas, she made so much effort – even last year – to make it special, how did she do that, we will never know. It remains to be seen if we can carry on doing those things that made her so happy.
Possibly the best Santa ever!!
Christmas 2007
Well it's here, Christmas has never been exciting for me, certainly not this year however the day came and went with an unusual air of calm, Sarah cooked a superb dinner which was enjoyed by all the family - Marian would have been proud of her!! - my contribution caramalised beef cooked and served to perfection but not as good as the rest of the lunch.
Like many others I have always found this time of year sad and somewhat depressing unlike Easter which offers more cheer - perhaps I should cook lunch at easter! TV as usual was rubbish maybe the programme selectors suffer with my emotions. Despite everything we managed to get through the day reasonably well albeit with the odd blip now and again. We cracked open a bottle of Marian's favourite champage which had secreted its self in the bottom of the fridge since last christmas the time seemed appropriate the taste exquisite!! My mum now 91 and suffering from Alzheimer's enjoyed for the moment, her lunch although she had forgotten she had eated by the time she sat in the lounge afterwards and demanded to know when lunch would be served, difficult to believe that the person who brought you into the world cared for you and always stood your corner cannot sometimes remember who you are or where you live - so sad! I don't know how my brother David copes.
My Thoughts - JANUARY 2008.
The first anniversary of our loss was a celebration of marian's life the family enjoyed an evening meal at the bell - buckland dinham - (highly recommended) we raised a glass of her favourite tipple at 9.00pm and remembered.
My Thoughts - MARCH 2008.
I love my job although the driving can be tiresom, but I find it rewarding to meet so many different people. how lucky i am to enjoy banter with so many knowledgable people - i learn somthing new everyday like the man who worked on lancaster bombers for many years during the war - it just so happens that my dad was a wireless operator / navigator and very occaisionally a rear gunner on a "lancaster" during the war. he was shot down - bailed out - captured - and endured the death march - 600 miles - across germany to stalag 8b where he was incarcerated for over 2 years and finally liberated by the americans in 1945. Dad was my mentor i always wished i would grow up and be able to make him proud unfortunately he passed away when i was 18 - my first great loss in life. at that age you feel but just don't understand! How could anything be more painful "it can"!!
Have you ever stood in a room full of people and felt alone - driven to work not remembering the journey - walked a mile forgetting each step - i have!
To be continued:
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